Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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