it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
