Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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