she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
