Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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