no, he came in my armpit
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
