ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
