An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
