Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
And then he peed in my hair
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
