I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
