she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
