shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
