Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
