she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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