He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
