I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
