How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
