That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize