somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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