I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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