Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
