I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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