Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
