so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
