y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
