Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
