You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
