I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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