Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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