How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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