So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
