Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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