So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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