I need help removing her.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
