im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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