Yo dont text me then not text me
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
