Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
