forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
