he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
