he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
