so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
my liver is dry heaving
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
