Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
