my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
