Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The cops high fived after they tackled you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
