Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
