I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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