finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
