her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
