worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
