xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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