some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
