I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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