I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
