i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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