How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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