Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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