I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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