I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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