Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
