fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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