It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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