i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
