Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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