We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
