I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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