This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize