I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
