I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
