He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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