After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
smell my finger.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
