Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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