Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
