i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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