i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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