fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
