He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
