Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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