guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
