my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
