there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
