I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
