you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
