Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
