He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
