my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
