Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
