I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
