i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
