maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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