i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
