I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
