And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
