You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Randomize
