The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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