I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
