This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
