We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
