fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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