I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
