he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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