How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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