I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
