I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You took a bar mat shot.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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