I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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