it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
